K.C. Wahe

A few of months ago I blogged about Walt Bolen our church organist. I found this little gem on my camera today from back in December 2009 that I took of Walt during one of our Advent services when Walt wasn’t looking. Walt is good a guy and a true follower of Jesus.

There’s been a whole lot of talk over the last couple of weeks about clergy burn-out. I draw your attention to a Pastor friend who is writing a series of blog posts on clergy burnout and also the recent New York Times article on clergy burnout. I really resonate with some of the stuff being talked about and over the last 6 years of ordained pastoral ministry, I’ve definitely had my share of mountain tops and valleys in ministry when it comes to maintaining my walk with Christ, being the husband and father God has called me to be, and being able to still serve faithfully as my congregations pastor without jumping off of the roof of the local Starbucks. Now as I write this please know I’m no expert. I only bring my experience in ministry as my basis for thinking about my own experience in trying to find balance as a Christ follower and pastor.

When it comes to clergy burnout I think we pastors need to learn how to let the people of God care for us. If I were ever asked to teach a class at a Christian university or a seminary, I’d name the class, “When it’s your turn to be pastored; Letting the people of God take care of you.” I need to be honest and there is a possibility that I wasn’t listening. While in seminary I don’t really remember a whole lot of discussion about self-care and pastors. There was a small effort made by someone at the seminary encouraging seminarians to find a spiritual director, but that’s about it. I really wish there would have been more of a focus on training the pastor going into ministry on how to practice self-care while serving in the church. I wish there would have been required components of my course work while in seminary that would have helped me begin developing spiritual disciplines that would empower me along the journey of pastoral ministry, helping me to be able to deal with the highs and lows of being a pastor. Even components that would have helped strengthen my family in dealing with the joys and struggles that occur along the way for them as well.

Since I’ve graduated and been ordained as a PCUSA minister I’m hearing  more and more about pastors leaving the ministry because of a lack of self care, pastors who should have been better at taking their days off  and should have been better at implementing a routine of spiritual, emotional, and physical practices that really encompass self care, practices that allow God to recharge and re energize the soul, empowering the pastor to continue her or his call to serve Christ and the church faithfully. Even finding a small group of pastors to spend time with for prayer and accountability.

Prior to seminary, while serving as a youth pastor at a church, I was the “pastor on call,” while the other big whig pastors took their days off. Folks in the community would call the church office needing a pastor to pray with them or someone would stop by the church and I was the one the church office would call upon to respond to the persons need for a pastor. As a pastor now, I often find myself throughout the week showing up to a church member’s home, going to the hospital to pray with a family before a loved one goes into surgery, or even taking time to pray with a church member over the phone. I know what’s required in pastoral care and I think God has given me a pastors heart. I know the rights things to say and pray and even know when I’m supposed to be quiet and keep my mouth shut.

I think a problem that many of us in ministry face is that we’re really good about being pastors and taking care of our parishioners, but we’re horrible at letting those we shepherd take care of us and pastor us when we’re in need of pastoral care ourselves. I think this is an aspect of pastoral ministry that adds to our self care.

A few months ago I had foot surgery that would keep me off of my feet for around 2 weeks. How do you tell a pastor to stay off of his feet for 2 weeks? It was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever had to do in my life in just sitting still. I don’t think it was by accident though. When I announced to the church that I would be home recovering and that I wanted them to pray for my wife and children, and their patience while I recovered, I learned something about the people of God that has taken a little while for me to grasp.

In Paul’s letter to the church at Philippi, Paul writes in Philippians 2:3, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.”  As a pastor I can preach and teach this with no problem, but I sometimes forget, that the part of considering others better than yourselves means trusting and allowing the people of God to also minister to me when I’m in need.

I really think this means letting the people of God see a part of us that we as pastors are sometimes often afraid to show when we’re doing our “thing,” that we are real people and that we hurt just like the next person. We deal with all of the same things those in our churches deal with on a day to day basis and we especially know what it feels like when we’re in need of rest and healing ourselves. I really think those we pastor and serve understand this and that they get it. Now I’m not advocating that we become the best of friends with our church members. There is still a fine line for both pastors and church members when it comes to maintaining healthy relationships and respecting boundaries. Both pastors and parishioners need to honor ones space. Pastors in the same light need to know how and when to say yes and when to say no. Pastors also should have those places in his or her life where one can retreat to safety and a place to regain ones footing.

After I had my surgery, one of the most moving experiences in my ministry was when I was at home, off my feet, for the 2 weeks, there were meals brought to our home for my family. There were people ready to help us with anything we needed. There was even one church member who drove one of our kids to baseball practice. I learned while sitting still and letting God work on me, that the people of God do genuinely care. They care about their pastors. They get it and they understand, because we’re the ones showing up before surgeries, praying for their loved ones. We’re the ones showing up in the middle of the night when a loved one passes away. We’re the ones being mediators in the midst of conflict when we’re called upon to be examples of God’s reconciling love and we’re the ones behind the scenes trying to bring about the peace and grace of God’s love by being present and showing up when we’re supposed to show up. We pastors just need to learn how to be quiet, sit still, and say thanks and allow God to use the people we pastor, to pastor us, because God knows that there are a whole of lot of us who can use a pastor ourselves. So, the next time a church member brings you a meal when you’re sick, or offers to do something for you that you tend to do for others, let them do it, let them take care of you and let them give back to you just for a few moments in order for you to be able to regroup and continue serving alongside those God has called you to be with as you both seek to follow Jesus.

Our son Kyle went with the First Presbyterian Church of Hollywood and its youth ministry to Albania about a month ago on a youth mission trip. For those of you who supported him financially and with your prayers here is a brief report he gave in church this morning. He had a great time with some really cool youth and adults. We’re grateful he had the experience. (Click on the podcast play button below this post)

 

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I recently shared that I was having one of those moments in my life where I’m feeling old. As I write this , our son and the team he served with in Albania are safely home and we’re grateful and are excited that our son was able to participate in an experience that I have no doubt has changed his life. I trust that the Lord worked in many of the lives of both kids and adults and we’re grateful to a dear church for allowing him to participate. You can see their team blog here.

As I shared in my last post I recently helped officiate a memorial service for a wonderful man in Clark Paddock. Clark was loved by many and was especially loved by his family. Clark had a wonderful family in Dorothy and Barbara. Both whom I appreciate and especially Dorothy who was one of my youth leaders when I was in high school, so to help was an honor. When we arrived to the church on the day of the service I met up with Pastor Scott and we both spent some time briefly with some of the family members prior to the start of the service. It was kind of surreal for me. What was surreal about the experience was that as folks were arriving I saw many that I’ve known for years. A few of the folks in attendance were people who had a huge impact on my life for Christ. There were two former Jr. High youth leaders of mine who were in attendance. One who was with me when I accepted Christ into my life in Jr. High at Forest Home. I hadn’t seen her for almost 20 years. Gail and I would sit in the Jr. High lounge of the church and listen to old Mike Warnke tapes Forest Home used to give away when students would come to know Christ and she’d help me study the scriptures. Mike Warnke I guess was a former Satanist and had a wonderful testimony that Forest Home felt was important for youth to hear about and that God used in the lives of many students in bringing kids to Christ over the years. (Apparently Mr. Warnke has had some issues over the years that I hadn’t known about until I wrote this and I’m guessing Forest Home doesn’t give out the tapes anymore)

Lisa who was also in attendance at Clark’s memorial service I had met when I was in the 7th Grade at what used to be called the “Lost Creek Ranch,” at Forest Home. Lisa was one of the volunteer youth workers at the church at the time and would later become the Jr. High Director for the church. The way I had met Lisa I still remember like it was yesterday. There were two kids in the Jr. High youth group who were named Casey at the time. I was one of them and there was a Jr. High girl also named Casey. (I didn’t realize until I was much older that my initials were K.C. and that for some reason my parents liked the name Casey better) The youth staff who had put the cabin assignments together assumed I was a Jr. High girl because of my name and assigned me to a girls cabin with the other Casey. So, I made my way to my “cabin assignment, thinking I was going to the boys cabins and that’s when I walked into the girls cabin and had met Lisa for the first time who graciously helped me find the “boys” cabins after her asking me what my name was. I smile every time I think about that summer at Forest Home and being in the Jr. High youth group with Lisa. There were others like Lisa in attendance at the memorial service who all played different roles in my life for Christ just like Clark.

As I helped with the service and stood in front of the church I had a wave of memories flood my heart. Some of the memories were of me sitting in the pews of the church for so many years, hearing the grace and mercy of Christ preached and worshiping each and every Sunday growing up in the church. Other memories were of being one of the youth in the youth groups, running around at midnight in the church at a plethora of lock-ins, playing hiding go seek in the sanctuary and eventually being one of the youth directors who would continue the tradition of doing what so many did for me in giving me Jesus over the years. Even the memories of Debbie and I getting married close to 20 years ago and remembering the faces who cheered for us on that day we committed our lives to one another and to Christ, even remembering seeing Clark sitting in the crowd.

As I made the walk up to the lectern I felt honored and blessed to stand before some wonderful followers of Jesus and it was a joy to reflect on the many, especially Clark who had impacted my life in a way that influenced my call to serve Christ and the church and be in the role of one of the “pastors.”  I even had a couple of folks comment on my “clergy robe” before the service. I don’t wear my robe usually when I preach or lead worship, but I usually wear my robe for weddings, memorial services, communion, and sometimes baptisms, but for this particular service it was a way to honor Clark and it was something I had wanted Clark to see me wear that he had never gotten to see.

Although to some I’m still a kid, it was the first time I didn’t feel like a kid. I felt like I had moved from just being the broken kid from the city, to the kid that God continues to transform and change, a child of the king, who was given a chance to do something with his life, to show the world what happens when a church does what its supposed to do in loving the people of God. One particular man, who was close to Clark who was in attendance got up during the time of sharing about Clark’s life. Red said, “There were two things that Clark cared about. Kids and kids.” If it weren’t for people like Clark, I don’t think I’d be where I am at today in my life.

As I reflect on my birthday “week” I sit in awe of God’s amazing grace in my life. I get to be a husband, father, and a pastor. I get to reflect back to the world what so many had given to me in giving me Jesus and showing me what it means to follow Christ when I was that “kid,” growing up. I get to preach the grace and mercy of Christ and I get to live it out before the world. I get to celebrate the lives of our own kids and that all in all we’ve done pretty good as parents and yet we still have much to do. Most of all I get to show the world what happens when a church does what its supposed to do in loving the world, its neighborhood, and its people as Jesus loved. Do I still feel old? Sure. Am I loving the life God has blessed me with?

Most certainly!

By the way, “You did good church.”

I’m still a fan of the birthday week. One has seven days to celebrate a birthday. I have until 11:59pm next Wednesday. So, I welcome the birthday wishes and affirmations.

I thought I’d offer some brief reflections with a tad bit of honesty.

First, I’m starting to feel old. It’s a weird feeling. When did this happen? I’ve gone from being 24 years old to 42 years old over night in a blink of an eye. Second, our kids won’t stop growing up. I knew this would happen. I can’t believe its happening this fast.

Two events have recently brought these feelings to my attention.

1. One of our sons is out of the country with some cool people serving Christ.

2. Last weekend I helped a pastor friend lead a memorial service for a wonderful husband, father, and friend.

I don’t know if I’m ready for any of our kids to grow up, but I know its GOING to happen and its supposed to happen. I think what’s difficult to grasp is that sometimes my plans aren’t God’s plans. I wanted being a parent to go slow, but it’s going way to fast. I’ve wanted the kids to take their time in growing up. They just keep growing. I’ve also become increasingly aware that there are things I’ve always wanted to do with the kids.  I’m also thankful that there are things we’ve done well at as parents in raising our kids. There are things I also wish we could go back and do over. As the kids grow up it’s subtle a reminder that there’s still work to do in preparing them for whatever it is the Lord has planned for them and helping them learn how to listen to the Lord.

On this “Birthday week,” I’m overwhelmed with gratitude to God that I get to be a husband and a father. I love my wife dearly and I love our kids too. I love my life and I can’t wait to see what God has planned for me and for my family over this next year.

I’ll share some reflections tomorrow about the memorial service I recently helped with for a loving husband and father who lived as a living example of Jesus.

One of our sons along with some other wonderful high school students and some awesome adult youth leaders are leaving for Albania this Saturday. The trip is being sponsored by the First Presbyterian Church of Hollywood. What a neat experience. It’s something that I would of loved to have done in High School. Please pray for the team and for the work they will be doing and that the Lord will continue to shape the hearts and minds of some amazing kids and adults. They’ll be serving with Alongside Ministries International. They’ll serve at a kids summer camp and will be helping put a roof on one of the buildings at the camp. For more information about where they’re going visit here. You can also visit their team blog here to stay updated on their experience.

Let’s especially keep the Stoschers in our prayers as they continue to serve Christ faithfully in Albania and as they seek to show the students what it means to follow Jesus in a different part of the world. Thank you friends and family for your support and most of all your prayers. Thank you to our friends from Littlerock, Sacramento, and our Princeton Seminary pals for your prayers and support as well. We are grateful to God.

One of my Spiritual fathers went to be with the Lord this morning. Below I give you some personal reflections about Clark Paddock.

I can’t remember the exact year that I met Clark Paddock. I was in elementary school and we lived in Hollywood. I had started going to the church because of a boss that my father had at the print shop he worked for in Hollywood. Clark was a member along with his wife Margie of the First Presbyterian Church of Hollywood.

Clark and his family resided in Glendale and were actively involved in ministry within the church. They had two wonderful kids in Dorothy and Barbara who were also very involved in the church in various ministries including the youth ministries of the church. Dorothy was one of my many youth leaders when I was a kid who also played a big role in my life for Christ.

Clark was a church leader, served as an elder and was a faithful follower of Jesus. As a matter of fact he was one of many who truly cared about the role that the church played within the community and helped start a ministry to neighborhood kids a mile from the church. The ministry was called SAMGAM. I can’t remember what it stood for, but I think it stood for “Saturday Morning Games.”  The kinds of kids that were coming to SAMGAM weren’t your typical church kids. Some of them came from an orphanage that the church ministered to for several years. Others just lived around the neighborhood.

From what I learned from Clark over the years, SAMGAM was created in response to the church’s efforts in trying to integrate the neighborhood kids with the church kids in Sunday school. It worked so well that the Lord grew it and the church had to come up with something dedicated to serving the large numbers of kids that Clark and others helped bring to church from the neighborhood and that was part of the reason for moving it to Saturday mornings. The Lord used SAMGAM for many years and many lives were changed for Christ. Including mine.

There was this big green school bus that the church owned and that Clark drove and others would drive every Saturday morning. He and several other volunteers would drive down the streets of Hollywood to a particular neighborhood and pick up kids on street corners until the bus was packed to the rim. The church had built a reputation with the community and the kids after a while knew the “bus” would come and pick them up every Saturday morning. The bus was always full of kids. Kids from different ethnic backgrounds. Kids who were from single parent homes. Kids from broken homes, kids from homes with no parents and kids who were from abusive home environments.

I was one of those kids except I don’t remember the bus picking me up. I lived in a different part of the neighborhood. What I do remember is that I always ended up at SAMGAM somehow. I either got a ride from one of the volunteers or I walked to the church with my brothers. I just can’t remember. As I got older it was a ministry that I got to help serve in when I was a young adult in the church. It was a ministry that both my wife and I would help run and that Deb would even coordinate for a little while. We did it because Clark and others saw the importance of loving kids for Jesus.

It was a ministry that Clark and others cared for deeply and a ministry that Clark advocated for because he felt that the church should have a love for the neighborhood. Clark was so missional before the word even became the hip thing to say out loud. Clark and others were doing the mission of God as others in the church were still trying to figure out God’s mission.  Clark was also involved in Christian Education at the church, taught Sunday School, was always a bus driver for anything that involved children and youth and I have no doubt involved with other things in the church outside of Christian Education.

Several years later Clark and his wife Margie invited me to come and live in one of their spare rooms so that I could focus on my education by attending the local community college which was in walking distance from their home in Glendale. Clark helped me enroll and I began attending classes regularly for what seemed like an eternity.  I remember him telling me that I needed to work on my education and that bit of wisdom stayed with me for a long time.

I remember the first time I sat around the table with Clark and his wife Margie for a meal. Clark led us all in prayer and he made “potato pancakes.” He loved making potato pancakes.

He loved his wife Margie and his kids so much. He was a living example of the kind of husband and father I wanted to be.

Clark was one of my biggest cheerleaders in my life along with his family. I remember him coming with Margie to watch when Debbie and I were married in 1990. I have no doubt Clark prayed for me. Over the years he’s kept tabs on me. He’d call out of the blue just to check in. I remember telling him that I’d finally graduate from Azusa Pacific University and that I graduated from seminary at Princeton in New Jersey. I wanted him to know that I was grateful for him inviting me to live with he and Margie in Glendale so that I could begin my college education. I remember on one occasion he even wrote me a recommendation to a church that I was applying for nearby where he lived in Northern California after I graduated from seminary. I knew he was proud of me and grateful for my wife Debbie continuing to be an encouragement to me supporting me in my education over the years.

We visited with Clark almost a year ago when he was out visiting with his daughters. Clark wanted to drive up to where we lived and where he used to live in the Antelope Valley. I remember picking Clark up on a Friday morning. We went and visited our old church at Hollywood and then he and I drove up to our house in Palmdale. He loved living in the AV. At one time he and his wife owned a lighting business in Palmdale. So, Clark wanted to see his old stomping ground.

I got show him where Debbie and I lived. He got to meet our wonderful kids. He got see Deb.

I remember driving him around Palmdale and Lancaster. I showed him where his old lighting business was and how it became a new church. He wanted to see some of his old friends from the Lancaster Presbyterian Church where he and Margie attended when they lived in the Antelope Valley.

I remember taking him to the church I serve and pastor. I got to show him the sanctuary and showed him some renovations that we were working on at the time at the church.

I had so much fun telling him what was going on.

I have to confess…I was so proud that day.

I knew he was proud too.

I’ve cried several times writing this and I have no doubt I’ve mixed up a few facts. What I do know is that he will be missed by many including his sweet, sweet family.

Clark thank you for loving me and Debbie over the years and thank you for being a living example of Christ to me over the years and believing in that little kid from Hollywood. I would not be where I am at today in my life as a follower of Jesus, husband, father, and pastor  if it weren’t for men like you. You truly lived out Ms. Mears vision of, “knowing Christ and making him known.”

Dorothy and Barbara, we love you and your sweet family, and we loved your dad so much. He left a legacy of faith behind and although we grieve now, we celebrate that he’s home with the Lord. No more pain. No more suffering. We praise God for Clark and his life. We praise God for you guys as well.

I’m so happy that we got be with him when he was out last.

We will miss you Clark.

P.S. Clark, I think I forgot to tell you that I was working on my Doctor of Ministry at Fuller. I couldn’t remember if I had told you.  :)

I love doing weddings. It’s when the family gets all decked out. I love these guys and praise God every second of my life for the gift of my family.

After church yesterday we went and visited Debbie’s folks for a quick lunch and headed off to the movies to see Toy Story 3 for Father’s Day. It was 15 years ago this year that the first Toy Story movie came out. I loved the first two movies and I must admit I enjoyed the third installment of the “Toy Story Trilogy.” It will make you laugh and it will definitely make you shed a few tears. (Yes I cried)

In the movie Andy has grown up and is off to college and the toys are dealing with the grief of losing their pal Andy.

Ok, at this point, I won’t totally blow the story if you haven’t seen it yet.

After the movie we grabbed some dinner together as a family and headed home. About an hour had passed and I went looking for our youngest kid. Found the kid in his room playing with his “action figures,” which were obviously in some kind of battle, along with Buzz light year. I sat down next to the army of toys and asked the kid what he was doing.

Me: “What you doing?”

Kid: “Playing with my toys.”

Me: “Really? That’s great.

Kid: “Dad, don’t tell mom, but I don’t want to get old.”(Quiet)

Me: (Cue tears)

The movie obviously hit the kid straight in the heart. The reality that being young comes to an end is what he walked away with. Thankfully I was able to remind him that there was a point in the movie where Andy remained young at heart and that’s something we should all try to do.

So? Go see the movie. You won’t be sorry.