There’s been a whole lot of talk over the last couple of weeks about clergy burn-out. I draw your attention to a Pastor friend who is writing a series of blog posts on clergy burnout and also the recent New York Times article on clergy burnout. I really resonate with some of the stuff being talked about and over the last 6 years of ordained pastoral ministry, I’ve definitely had my share of mountain tops and valleys in ministry when it comes to maintaining my walk with Christ, being the husband and father God has called me to be, and being able to still serve faithfully as my congregations pastor without jumping off of the roof of the local Starbucks. Now as I write this please know I’m no expert. I only bring my experience in ministry as my basis for thinking about my own experience in trying to find balance as a Christ follower and pastor.
When it comes to clergy burnout I think we pastors need to learn how to let the people of God care for us. If I were ever asked to teach a class at a Christian university or a seminary, I’d name the class, “When it’s your turn to be pastored; Letting the people of God take care of you.” I need to be honest and there is a possibility that I wasn’t listening. While in seminary I don’t really remember a whole lot of discussion about self-care and pastors. There was a small effort made by someone at the seminary encouraging seminarians to find a spiritual director, but that’s about it. I really wish there would have been more of a focus on training the pastor going into ministry on how to practice self-care while serving in the church. I wish there would have been required components of my course work while in seminary that would have helped me begin developing spiritual disciplines that would empower me along the journey of pastoral ministry, helping me to be able to deal with the highs and lows of being a pastor. Even components that would have helped strengthen my family in dealing with the joys and struggles that occur along the way for them as well.
Since I’ve graduated and been ordained as a PCUSA minister I’m hearing more and more about pastors leaving the ministry because of a lack of self care, pastors who should have been better at taking their days off and should have been better at implementing a routine of spiritual, emotional, and physical practices that really encompass self care, practices that allow God to recharge and re energize the soul, empowering the pastor to continue her or his call to serve Christ and the church faithfully. Even finding a small group of pastors to spend time with for prayer and accountability.
Prior to seminary, while serving as a youth pastor at a church, I was the “pastor on call,” while the other big whig pastors took their days off. Folks in the community would call the church office needing a pastor to pray with them or someone would stop by the church and I was the one the church office would call upon to respond to the persons need for a pastor. As a pastor now, I often find myself throughout the week showing up to a church member’s home, going to the hospital to pray with a family before a loved one goes into surgery, or even taking time to pray with a church member over the phone. I know what’s required in pastoral care and I think God has given me a pastors heart. I know the rights things to say and pray and even know when I’m supposed to be quiet and keep my mouth shut.
I think a problem that many of us in ministry face is that we’re really good about being pastors and taking care of our parishioners, but we’re horrible at letting those we shepherd take care of us and pastor us when we’re in need of pastoral care ourselves. I think this is an aspect of pastoral ministry that adds to our self care.
A few months ago I had foot surgery that would keep me off of my feet for around 2 weeks. How do you tell a pastor to stay off of his feet for 2 weeks? It was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever had to do in my life in just sitting still. I don’t think it was by accident though. When I announced to the church that I would be home recovering and that I wanted them to pray for my wife and children, and their patience while I recovered, I learned something about the people of God that has taken a little while for me to grasp.
In Paul’s letter to the church at Philippi, Paul writes in Philippians 2:3, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.” As a pastor I can preach and teach this with no problem, but I sometimes forget, that the part of considering others better than yourselves means trusting and allowing the people of God to also minister to me when I’m in need.
I really think this means letting the people of God see a part of us that we as pastors are sometimes often afraid to show when we’re doing our “thing,” that we are real people and that we hurt just like the next person. We deal with all of the same things those in our churches deal with on a day to day basis and we especially know what it feels like when we’re in need of rest and healing ourselves. I really think those we pastor and serve understand this and that they get it. Now I’m not advocating that we become the best of friends with our church members. There is still a fine line for both pastors and church members when it comes to maintaining healthy relationships and respecting boundaries. Both pastors and parishioners need to honor ones space. Pastors in the same light need to know how and when to say yes and when to say no. Pastors also should have those places in his or her life where one can retreat to safety and a place to regain ones footing.
After I had my surgery, one of the most moving experiences in my ministry was when I was at home, off my feet, for the 2 weeks, there were meals brought to our home for my family. There were people ready to help us with anything we needed. There was even one church member who drove one of our kids to baseball practice. I learned while sitting still and letting God work on me, that the people of God do genuinely care. They care about their pastors. They get it and they understand, because we’re the ones showing up before surgeries, praying for their loved ones. We’re the ones showing up in the middle of the night when a loved one passes away. We’re the ones being mediators in the midst of conflict when we’re called upon to be examples of God’s reconciling love and we’re the ones behind the scenes trying to bring about the peace and grace of God’s love by being present and showing up when we’re supposed to show up. We pastors just need to learn how to be quiet, sit still, and say thanks and allow God to use the people we pastor, to pastor us, because God knows that there are a whole of lot of us who can use a pastor ourselves. So, the next time a church member brings you a meal when you’re sick, or offers to do something for you that you tend to do for others, let them do it, let them take care of you and let them give back to you just for a few moments in order for you to be able to regroup and continue serving alongside those God has called you to be with as you both seek to follow Jesus.
I must confess I am not a blogger of worthy status. I admit I fell into the “fad” of blogging a few years ago and yes I do more on Facebook than blogging. Sometimes I don’t know if I have much to offer to the blogging world. I don’t have the time and the brain power to write and to reflect on the issues of the day.
Here are a couple of thoughts I have kicked around these last few weeks. I have learned that I am a better pastor when I am practicing the art of being intentional with family, friends, and most of all church folks. When I was a youth growing up in a large church what I remember most about those who I considered mentors was the mere fact that they were always present. Presence is a gift and I can count at least a dozen folks who were very present in my life from youth leaders to youth pastors. These folks understood what it meant to be intentional.
As I got older I don’t think I ever got a phone call or a visit from any of my pastors. I don’t even remember getting a note. I do remember one of my pastors taking me out for a steak dinner to celebrate something. It was a great dinner. The steak was awesome and the potato was as big as my left foot. To be honest though I don’t remember the reason why we went out, I just remember that he was being intentional with me. I remember another pastor and his wife taking us out to dinner just as I was departing for seminary. We talked mostly about what it is like to be in ministry and the joys and struggles of being a pastor and for Debbie the joys and struggles of being a pastors wife. Again, don’t remember details, just remember that this pastor was intentional with us.
I remember another senior pastor I served with in New Jersey while I was in seminary. I was an intern and I had the chance to watch him from afar. He wasn’t the greatest at preaching. He wasn’t the most charismatic of persons. His gift was that he was intentional with those he pastored. He always remembered names. I remember one church member saying to me, ” We continue to come here because the pastor remembered our names.” The man actually helped the church through a building campaign and both he and an awesome associate pastor led the church with the gift of intentionality.
So? What am I learning right now in my life?
Be intentional.
It might be the best gift of bringing about peace and reconciliation to anything I will ever do as a pastor.
Word on the street?
It acutally works. Am I still growing? Will I forget what matters most to being a Christ follower especially a pastor when it comes to being intentional with those I’ve been called to pastor and lead? Yup! At least today it feels good to know that it does actually work.
This is Rachel.
Rachel and I met almost two years ago. Rachel is 89 years old and loves Jesus and loves teaching God’s Word to children.
Rachel was recruited two years ago to be our VBS story teller. In 2007 and 2008 Rachel loved being the story teller. Rachel was a modern day Ms. Mears. She was always available when it came to kids stuff. I even remember Rachel serving at one of our Trunk Or Treat events. She parked her mini-van in our church parking lot, dressed in a costume, and was ready to pass out candy to the neighborhood kids.
One of her dreams was to network with local Elementary Schools to run a kids club after school to offer a place where kids could learn what it means to follow Jesus. At a school near our church, she actually was able to get on campus and use a classroom to do her kids club. I remember her telling me on one occasion that this was one of the ways we could reach more kids for Christ.
She was right.
Earlier this year Rachel joined our church. She is loved by all and is very much a part of our faith community. Rachel is almost 90 years old and is currently in a nursing home. The doctors have given her only a few days to live.
Every time I’ve visited Rachel, she was always ready for me to pray with her. She’d muster as much strength as she could and would hold my hand until I was done praying and she’d go back to sleep. Last Sunday some folks from church brought Palm Sunday worship to Rachel. We sang together at Rachel’s bedside and gave Rachel communion.
Please pray for Rachel and her family.
When I asked Rachel what her favorite Bible verse was last week, she whispered this verse to me.
I wanted to cry and I pray that I myself would grow to love God’s Word as much as Rachel does.
Around 5:OOam this morning Rachel went home to be with the Lord.
Thanks for loving us like Jesus Ms. Rachel.
This afternoon I officiated a memorial service and a graveside service for a woman in her late 80′s. It was a small service with a few friends and close family members. Betty Mae died unexpectedly before Thanksgiving. Her husband Wayne is a wonderful man and a Christ follower and gave his life to caring for his wife in her last years on this earth.
After the graveside service Wayne approached me and shook my hand. “That was the best sermon I’ve ever heard at a funeral.”
My mouth dropped to the ground.
Of course I responded with a hardy, “thank you and it was my honor to help share in the celebration of his wife’s life and the gift she was to so many.”
The best sermon ever?
The hour and a half prior to the services I had trouble printing my inserts for my little black book with my service notes. I had to buy a new pair of Khaki’s because I am a nimrod and haven’t made time to take my clothes to the cleaners. I had to talk with the painters who are painting the church and I was showing someone where all of the Advent and Christmas decorations were stored for Advent which starts in the morning. I even met briefly with an old pastor friend who happened to be driving back to Sacramento with his family who happened to be passing through.
Best sermon ever? I don’t know what I did differently from any other memorial service or graveside service. The only thing I can think of was that I took the time to visit with him this past week for about an hour and learned about the life his wife lived and the lives they lived together in their community. Maybe it was listening to the stories on how they met and the work he did as a Lockheed employee and she did in a biscuit factory back when there were “biscuit factories.” Maybe it was the conversations we both had on the phone the day after Betty Mae passed away. Or maybe it was the conversation we had on his front lawn about his neighborhood. Best sermon ever? I don’t know and I only hope I proclaimed Christ’s love, the good news of the resurrection, and helped bring encouragement to a community who was grieving the loss of a loved one, a spouse, a mother, and a friend.
I did what I hope someone will one day do for me when it comes to pastoral care. Be available, listen, and imitate Christ’s love in the midst of ones pain and suffering. If I were to convey my own vision for pastoral care, it is simply coming alongside the people of God in a way that makes them feel accepted, cared for, and welcomed into the message of “Good News.” So accepted that even if you feel like your sermon blew chunks of mush, that the message of Christ’s love is heard loud and clear and gives one hope that one can continue to live and still be able to give something to the kingdom of God even in the midst of life’s challenges.
Jimmy went home today to be with the Lord. Nothing in seminary really prepares you to confront life and death issues you face in pastoring a church until you actually walk with someone through their pain.
Today, I spent some time with a wonderful guy and church member named Jimmy. Jimmy has cancer. It’s a horrible cancer. His body is filled with tumors. This last year has been difficult in that the doctors can’t stop the cancer. Nothing seems to work. Radiation and chemo haven’t worked. He began hospice a few weeks ago and just yesterday his hospice nurse said that his kidneys are failing and that he’s only been given a few weeks to live.
If Jimmy crossed your path today, all you’d see is his smile. His smile is contagious and his heart loves the Lord. He loves his kids, his wife, and his mom. You’d never know that he was physically in pain. As Jimmy and I spent some time together this afternoon, Jimmy is certain that he’s going to heaven. He said, “Last night it hit me, that I was going to heaven soon.”
As I sat in the quiet of his back-yard with his wife, I reminded him of a recent trip he and his wife took to Alaska. I asked if he was doing anything else or if he was spending time with family. Jimmy smiled and said he wanted to go to the ZOO and that this Friday he was seeing the opening of a movie and that this was the first time he had ever seen a movie on the day it opened.
Something I did grab from a theology professor in seminary was the art of being present is what matters and that pastoral care sometimes is just being physically present in the midst of someones pain. No answers, no fixing, just being present.
Today, Jimmy and his wife and I sat. We laughed. We were quiet. A few tears were shed. We laughed some more and we prayed and we will continue to be present praying for Jimmy and that he would enjoy these last days sitting in the presence of family, friends, and the Lord.
Please pray for Jimmy.
