There’s been a whole lot of talk over the last couple of weeks about clergy burn-out. I draw your attention to a Pastor friend who is writing a series of blog posts on clergy burnout and also the recent New York Times article on clergy burnout. I really resonate with some of the stuff being talked about and over the last 6 years of ordained pastoral ministry, I’ve definitely had my share of mountain tops and valleys in ministry when it comes to maintaining my walk with Christ, being the husband and father God has called me to be, and being able to still serve faithfully as my congregations pastor without jumping off of the roof of the local Starbucks. Now as I write this please know I’m no expert. I only bring my experience in ministry as my basis for thinking about my own experience in trying to find balance as a Christ follower and pastor.
When it comes to clergy burnout I think we pastors need to learn how to let the people of God care for us. If I were ever asked to teach a class at a Christian university or a seminary, I’d name the class, “When it’s your turn to be pastored; Letting the people of God take care of you.” I need to be honest and there is a possibility that I wasn’t listening. While in seminary I don’t really remember a whole lot of discussion about self-care and pastors. There was a small effort made by someone at the seminary encouraging seminarians to find a spiritual director, but that’s about it. I really wish there would have been more of a focus on training the pastor going into ministry on how to practice self-care while serving in the church. I wish there would have been required components of my course work while in seminary that would have helped me begin developing spiritual disciplines that would empower me along the journey of pastoral ministry, helping me to be able to deal with the highs and lows of being a pastor. Even components that would have helped strengthen my family in dealing with the joys and struggles that occur along the way for them as well.
Since I’ve graduated and been ordained as a PCUSA minister I’m hearing more and more about pastors leaving the ministry because of a lack of self care, pastors who should have been better at taking their days off and should have been better at implementing a routine of spiritual, emotional, and physical practices that really encompass self care, practices that allow God to recharge and re energize the soul, empowering the pastor to continue her or his call to serve Christ and the church faithfully. Even finding a small group of pastors to spend time with for prayer and accountability.
Prior to seminary, while serving as a youth pastor at a church, I was the “pastor on call,” while the other big whig pastors took their days off. Folks in the community would call the church office needing a pastor to pray with them or someone would stop by the church and I was the one the church office would call upon to respond to the persons need for a pastor. As a pastor now, I often find myself throughout the week showing up to a church member’s home, going to the hospital to pray with a family before a loved one goes into surgery, or even taking time to pray with a church member over the phone. I know what’s required in pastoral care and I think God has given me a pastors heart. I know the rights things to say and pray and even know when I’m supposed to be quiet and keep my mouth shut.
I think a problem that many of us in ministry face is that we’re really good about being pastors and taking care of our parishioners, but we’re horrible at letting those we shepherd take care of us and pastor us when we’re in need of pastoral care ourselves. I think this is an aspect of pastoral ministry that adds to our self care.
A few months ago I had foot surgery that would keep me off of my feet for around 2 weeks. How do you tell a pastor to stay off of his feet for 2 weeks? It was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever had to do in my life in just sitting still. I don’t think it was by accident though. When I announced to the church that I would be home recovering and that I wanted them to pray for my wife and children, and their patience while I recovered, I learned something about the people of God that has taken a little while for me to grasp.
In Paul’s letter to the church at Philippi, Paul writes in Philippians 2:3, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.” As a pastor I can preach and teach this with no problem, but I sometimes forget, that the part of considering others better than yourselves means trusting and allowing the people of God to also minister to me when I’m in need.
I really think this means letting the people of God see a part of us that we as pastors are sometimes often afraid to show when we’re doing our “thing,” that we are real people and that we hurt just like the next person. We deal with all of the same things those in our churches deal with on a day to day basis and we especially know what it feels like when we’re in need of rest and healing ourselves. I really think those we pastor and serve understand this and that they get it. Now I’m not advocating that we become the best of friends with our church members. There is still a fine line for both pastors and church members when it comes to maintaining healthy relationships and respecting boundaries. Both pastors and parishioners need to honor ones space. Pastors in the same light need to know how and when to say yes and when to say no. Pastors also should have those places in his or her life where one can retreat to safety and a place to regain ones footing.
After I had my surgery, one of the most moving experiences in my ministry was when I was at home, off my feet, for the 2 weeks, there were meals brought to our home for my family. There were people ready to help us with anything we needed. There was even one church member who drove one of our kids to baseball practice. I learned while sitting still and letting God work on me, that the people of God do genuinely care. They care about their pastors. They get it and they understand, because we’re the ones showing up before surgeries, praying for their loved ones. We’re the ones showing up in the middle of the night when a loved one passes away. We’re the ones being mediators in the midst of conflict when we’re called upon to be examples of God’s reconciling love and we’re the ones behind the scenes trying to bring about the peace and grace of God’s love by being present and showing up when we’re supposed to show up. We pastors just need to learn how to be quiet, sit still, and say thanks and allow God to use the people we pastor, to pastor us, because God knows that there are a whole of lot of us who can use a pastor ourselves. So, the next time a church member brings you a meal when you’re sick, or offers to do something for you that you tend to do for others, let them do it, let them take care of you and let them give back to you just for a few moments in order for you to be able to regroup and continue serving alongside those God has called you to be with as you both seek to follow Jesus.
When I was in seminary I was required as part of my ordination process in the Presbyterian Church U.S.A. to serve in a church in what the seminary called, “Field Education.” Pastor Ray and Pastor Jan were two of the coolest pastors in the world who loved Jesus and who were by all means the best of the best in making sure that I received what I needed in fulfilling my field education requirement at the seminary and helping me prepare in becoming a Minister of Word and Sacrament in the Presbyterian Church. I watched these two cats from afar and up close. I watched how they led worship and how they proclaimed God’s Word each and every week. Each had their own style in preaching. One used a manuscript and the other spoke from the heart without notes. One was introverted and the other was more of an extrovert. Both had a heart for the people of the church and were living examples of Christ’s love. Both preached God’s grace and were visionaries. They allowed me to preach and to lead one of their adult education classes during my internship. They allowed me to run their youth ministry alongside some wonderful people.
I recall on one occasion hearing a church member praise Pastor Ray and his ability to remember names. Pastor Jan and his wife were two of the kindest people Debbie and I ever met and made sure that our family was ministered to and cared for while we were living in Princeton during seminary and the entire church surrounded us with love and prayer when I graduated and we moved back to California for my first call as an Associate Pastor at a wonderful church in Sacramento. Pastor Jan was an Army Chaplain as well as one of the Pastors of the church and had a wonderful pastors heart and provided much of the pastoral care for the church. I got to watch Jan and Ray both interact with church members at the best and worst of times in a persons life. Pastor Ray and Pastor Jan blessed me in so many ways and I’m so grateful to have had served alongside them while in seminary. I learned more about pastoral care from these two guys than I did in seminary in my pastoral care class.
Over the last nine months I have had the honor of supervising a very good friend. He’s been a blessing in so many ways and I’ve enjoyed being able to be his supervisor while he’s attended Fuller Seminary and helping him, along with my church, fulfill his Field Education requirement in preparation for ordination as a Minister of Word and Sacrament in the PCUSA. When James and I first got acquainted I made sure he knew that if he were to do his “Field Education” at our church, he’d get as much as I got in my field education and even more. James has assisted me in leading worship, he’s preached almost monthly, and has served alongside me and our church leaders. We’ve had the opportunity in watching James grow in his ministry and in his internship. I have know doubt the Lord will continue to use James as he discerns where it is that God is calling him to serve when he is ready to receive a call. I’ve enjoyed also learning from James and what he has to offer the church.
James will continue serving at our church as our pastoral intern until he finishes the ordination process. I look forward in continuing to being able to give to James and others in the future what Pastor Ray and Pastor Jan gave to me as I prepared for becoming a pastor. James has recently entered the blogosphere. If you’d like to catch a glimpse of James heart and his passion for ministry visit his new blog elpisandshalom.com.
Thank you James!!!
I must confess I am not a blogger of worthy status. I admit I fell into the “fad” of blogging a few years ago and yes I do more on Facebook than blogging. Sometimes I don’t know if I have much to offer to the blogging world. I don’t have the time and the brain power to write and to reflect on the issues of the day.
Here are a couple of thoughts I have kicked around these last few weeks. I have learned that I am a better pastor when I am practicing the art of being intentional with family, friends, and most of all church folks. When I was a youth growing up in a large church what I remember most about those who I considered mentors was the mere fact that they were always present. Presence is a gift and I can count at least a dozen folks who were very present in my life from youth leaders to youth pastors. These folks understood what it meant to be intentional.
As I got older I don’t think I ever got a phone call or a visit from any of my pastors. I don’t even remember getting a note. I do remember one of my pastors taking me out for a steak dinner to celebrate something. It was a great dinner. The steak was awesome and the potato was as big as my left foot. To be honest though I don’t remember the reason why we went out, I just remember that he was being intentional with me. I remember another pastor and his wife taking us out to dinner just as I was departing for seminary. We talked mostly about what it is like to be in ministry and the joys and struggles of being a pastor and for Debbie the joys and struggles of being a pastors wife. Again, don’t remember details, just remember that this pastor was intentional with us.
I remember another senior pastor I served with in New Jersey while I was in seminary. I was an intern and I had the chance to watch him from afar. He wasn’t the greatest at preaching. He wasn’t the most charismatic of persons. His gift was that he was intentional with those he pastored. He always remembered names. I remember one church member saying to me, ” We continue to come here because the pastor remembered our names.” The man actually helped the church through a building campaign and both he and an awesome associate pastor led the church with the gift of intentionality.
So? What am I learning right now in my life?
Be intentional.
It might be the best gift of bringing about peace and reconciliation to anything I will ever do as a pastor.
Word on the street?
It acutally works. Am I still growing? Will I forget what matters most to being a Christ follower especially a pastor when it comes to being intentional with those I’ve been called to pastor and lead? Yup! At least today it feels good to know that it does actually work.
I’ve thought a lot about this all day. This idea that we pastors who’ve sensed God’s call to full-time ministry have some how entered the “big show?” Let me be clear that I’m not trying to say that we in the pastorate are better than those in the pews. I don’t want to be better. I had a professor in seminary talk about the preacher rising up from the pews to bring good news is where good news really should come from. His point being that the preacher is just like me. He or she deals with the same things I deal with. His thought also was that we’ve placed so much focus on the person sitting above us, in an elevated position on a Sunday morning, rising to the raised pulpit in the sky, that we’ve forgotten that there was a time in which the people of God would rise from the midst of community to proclaim God’s mission. This big show metaphor points me back to a time in my life as a youth where I got to watch some wonderful people in leadership positions. These folks were awesome in their presentation of the gospel. I looked up to them. I wanted to do what they were doing. I wanted to be part of a life changing experience that would impact the world for Christ and these folks were good at what they did and I myself was impacted or I wouldn’t be doing what I’m doing in the church today.
I can even remember way back as a youth growing up in the church, attending church youth camps and I’d watch those putting on the big show and wondered what it would be like to be the one up front. I’d look at these folks with awe and thought they were some kind of “super” Christians. I thought that if I only could do what they were doing I’d be super Christian guy too. My first summer serving on staff at this same youth camp I attended as a kid and that I truly love with all of my heart, I saw a different side of the “super Christian.” I was kicked out of my box of “naiveté.” I was about 17 ½ years old and worked as a dishwasher all summer long at this camp. It was where I learned what it meant to really be in ministry. This is where it took place for me. 300-400 persons a week, three meals a day, 5-6 days per week, you do the math. That was a whole lot of dish washing.
I have to confess, I was so jealous of the folks up stairs and up front that there were days I wondered if I’d ever be doing what they were doing in ministry. Something happened though that first summer serving on staff at that camp. I realized that the folks who were up front, upstairs, doing the big show stuff, that I wanted to do so badly, were just like me. When I was older and when I had my first opportunity of serving in the church as a full-time youth director I was also blown away. This image I had was wrong and unfair. There were people full of sin and as broken as the next person. They were me. This was hard to swallow. I had placed these folks on such a high pedestal I felt guilty. What hit me though was that they were just as much in need of restoration of the soul as I was. They hurt and confronted their own stuff. They dealt with real life issues and struggled with many of the same things I’d struggle with. But they were always ready to be sent out on God‘s mission. Ready to respond to the ministry of proclamation. Ready to serve and love as Jesus loved, even in spite of what was happening in their own lives.
This is why I do what I do. I feel in some ways I’ve risen up from the pews like those I’ve watched over the years do the same. They’ve inspired me to keep doing what I‘m doing. Being with the people of God at the ground level. This is where change takes place in a persons life. This is where it happens. This where God works. This is where I get to hear how God is working. Maybe what I’m learning is that the really big show stuff happens in the pews. Not in the pulpit. Not elevated up high where the one who proclaims good news looks down upon the people. The one who proclaims good news needs to know what it’s like to rise up from the pews. In some ways the one who proclaims good news sometimes needs to go back to where it all began for them on that day God called them from their brokenness to tell others of the peace of Christ that restores the soul. This is where God works and moves. Not at the top. Not up front. But from the pews. The big show stuff I guess really happens in the pews. This is where I need to get the pulse of the church from. Maybe this is the ticket in bringing hope to the church, that the one called to preach good news, goes to the pews, empowers the people of God to rise up and help with the proclamation of God’s love.
Lord, may it be so.
I’ve been in ministry for a long time. Right out of high school. Okay it seems like a long time. As a matter of fact the first time I had the chance to lead in ministry was in an after school program where we’d pick up kids from a neighborhood near the church we attended in Hollywood. We’d bring them back to the church for a Saturday morning ministry almost like a VBS program. Did this for a long time.
My first real full-time ministry gig was at that same church that loved me often and my way of giving back to the church was by loving their kids often as I could like Jesus loved me. There are kids I still talk to on occasion and its hard to believe they’ve grown so fast. Teachers, physical trainers, Army folks. It seems like yesterday I was just sitting at camp with these same kids, eating, drinking, and watching kids come to know Jesus or serving side by side with them on some Mexico mission trip.
Hard to believe that someone took the time and believed in me that I had something to offer. Something to give. That my testimony and faith in God was of value in the kingdom and some how I got my little toe into the big show. As pastors I wonder if that’s how we’re perceived by others in the church? In some ways its like the way we look at an athlete. When they get to that place in their lives where they’re at their peak of their game. Maybe we are looked at in this way as pastors. This can be a joyful thought or an overwhelming thought in which I’d like to throw against a wall sometimes. With a smile of course. I hate that metaphor but it fits at least for now in my processing that occurs in ministry as a pastor.
Me in the big show? Hard to believe. Sometimes I have to pinch myself. Sometimes I have to remind myself that it took a long time for me to get to this place. God’s overwhelming grace. Not my strength. And sometimes I have to thump myself on the head that I’m still not completely ready and prepared for what I’ve already faced and will face on a daily basis in the life of the church as a pastor.
On a sweeter and yummier note there are times that I have to admit that although I continue to grow I couldn’t imagine myself anywhere else in the church universal. At least not right now.
What’s frustrating is the assumption that we as pastors have got it all together. Because we are in the positions we hold that we are the chosen ones. We’ve been selected by God to proclaim “good news.” At least that’s how we’re perceived. This morning the heater wouldn’t work in church. One person said something to the affect, “just do that hot air stuff you do.” I smiled. There is a member I’ve served with who reminds me that I’m the dude with the robe. The robe? This robe that people like Calvin wore as a means for telling the world he was now in the big show. He earned his way and that he had some brains regarding who God was and is for us as his children.
Sometimes I don’t like that robe. It’s to heavy. In the summer time especially in the church I pastor it’s too hot to wear. I think it scares people. There are those though of previous generations in the church who love when I wear my heavy black robe. It reminds them of a time when the church was at its peak. Its glory day. There is this one sweet lady who reminds me that I look good in a tie with my robe. I made a deal with her that I’d wear it when I did a baptism or administered communion. She smiled. And when I forget she makes sure to jolt my memory not to forget.
Hard to believe. Much to learn. Still growing. Praise God that at this time in my life I get a small part in the sharing of GOOD NEWS. A little toe in the big show. I love what I do!
This is what I call self care. Every pastor needs to learn self care. It only recharges your battery and helps you regroup with the purpose of being available and ready for God to use you.
