This past Wednesday was the first time I was in the role as a pastor of imposing ashes on friends and members of my church. A role I hardly imagined myself in because I have not been one who participated in Lenten services on a regular basis or observed the liturgical calendar prior to ordained ministry. The church I was raised in rarely had an Ash Wednesday service and if they did it was because of a couple of young evangelical pastors who were hip to the liturgical calendar. This idea though of giving up something to observe and to remember the Lord is indeed a challenge. It is indeed an act of allowing Jesus to carry my burden. Tod Bolsinger in his blog gives a great example of what it means to allow Jesus to be the one who bears our burdens. Of course my fear is that because I have given something up with the hope of spending more time with the Lord is that I will again become lazy. I guess then my yoke is allowing the Lord to carry my lack of trust that God will walk with me and teach me what it means to truly follow Jesus and to remember what he accomplished on my behalf by his suffering on the cross.

What if it were that easy? The Pastors Balance Bar! Filled with the energy needed from the Holy Spirit to give me clarity and a desire to pray constantly! I can market this for sure! In my last post I pondered the question of how do pastors maintain their spirituality in the midst of life? How do I become a pastor who makes prayer apart of my daily routine? To think I’ve spent more time wanting to be able to write and think like other pastors who I admire where I could have had a quiet time or two? I believe my life would look alot different if I had that balance bar. What if that balance bar was the ear God gave me to listen with? I remember in seminary many of a buddy who shared their struggles in being people of prayer. “I can’t believe I spent all this time in seminary and I didn’t learn the most important aspects of a life of spirituality?” Prayer being the most essential way to a balanced life of spirituality. What does it mean to practice as the Psalmist writes to “be still and know that I am God.” I don’t listen enough. I know this about myself. I know what the Lord desires is my ear and my time. This is the place where the Lord meets me the most. When I stop to listen. This is where I should find balance.

I guess I need to read my blog comments. Somebody really reads this stuff? I forgot to mention that I was honored to know that I made the Jenny Smith Friday read list. WOW! I will keep up Jenny!

I believe it is in the book titled “Wounded Healer,” author and pastor Henri Nouwen talks about what would happen if the pastor actually took the time each day to pray? “Good morning, you’ve reached First Presbyterian Church, can I help you?” “Yes, can I speak with the pastor?” “Sorry, the pastor is out today. “This is the day that the pastor takes off to pray.” I have to be completely honest. I’m still trying to find balance as a young pastor (If you call 36 young) when it comes to spiritual practices. How come it seems that the times I’m praying the most are when I’m leading the people in prayer? How does a pastor maintain their spirituality and their relationship with Christ in the midst of the daily grind of church work? How do the seasoned pastors with families, married or not, the mainline evangelical pastors of this generation maintain spirituality? How do they continue their growth as Christians while serving the church? To be continued.

I’m often convinced that when God moves, he often moves in ways incomprehensible.